Transformation recap.

Yeah, it’s been awhile since I’ve titled a post “Transformation.” Sorry. Honestly, I just don’t think it’s too amusing to read posts about me working out and eating well on a daily basis. However, right now I’m just trying to focus on having a clear state of mind so I can get through what I need to for school.

As you may have seen, I’ve been posting things that may seem pathetic. But in all honesty, this is the first time I’ve ever publicly opened up about my past. I’m posting this because I want to reach out to people who have been through similar situations, as a way of understanding. And also, I’m trying to say what I’ve been wanting to say for a while but never allowed myself the chance. Not only that, I really want to show everyone who I really am; I’m tried of being so mean and angry all the time. By trying to keep this vengeful-ness alive, I’m hurting myself more and more.

Lately, I’ve been a downright bitch. A cunt even. Or as they scream out out of car windows into New Jersey traffic, a “bitch-cunt.” I have been hostile and unreasonable towards people who do not deserve it. I’m being unforgiving to human error and blaming people for my problems. Bottom line, I am not being responsible for myself; I’m acting like a victim.

Today during an agency meeting, we had a fantastic guest speaker, Pamela Cournoyer. She spoke on how to correct our work habits, accepting ourselves for our work ethic, and understanding how to work with different people. She had an exercise where everyone shouted out a list of qualities in an unpleasant person.
The top four were:

    Flakey
    Negative/Debbie Downer
    Pathetic/Helpless/Victims/Whiners
    No sense of humor/Not fun

After those were said, I realized that I currently am demonstrating these qualities. I am being flakey and unreliable to some of my work. I’m not organizing or prioritizing everything in the manner I should. I’m constantly bitching about something to the point where I even want to tell myself to shut up. I am being so negative, it’s disgusting. I’m acting helpless, I’m whining about everything. I need to just shut the fuck up and do it. Plus, this attitude I have is by no means fun; and I like to be a fun person.

I just feel like I’m not being myself right now because I don’t know how to handle everything I’m dealing with. Writing is very therapeutic for me; If I post something on here I feel so much better. It’s as if once it’s online, it’s off my chest and out of my mind. I don’t need to go back and rehash it or be babied. But at the same time, I do need to allow myself the time to talk to people who are there for me.

The people who have recently stepped into my life are so amazing. One reached out to me on Facebook and messaged me about what I’m trying to deal with. She understands how I feel and is offering to help me even though we are not close friends. The other person is someone who is teaching me why forgiveness is so important. In the past, I was not the best friend towards her. I took our friendship for granted and acted immaturely. However, she’s looking past that and forgiving me for it. I’m so thankful.

I know that lately I have been taking everything for granted. I have not been utilizing my opportunities to the extent that I should be. I have been ungrateful for the friends and family that I do have right now. I need to stop this state of mind that is possessing me right now and be thankful for what I have.

I am sorry for the person I have been towards all of you lately. I honestly, truly am. Though I will probably continue to write overly-sarcastic blog posts about ridiculous stuff, I will continue to make an effort to be a better student/friend/professional/person towards you. This I promise to uphold fully. I want to prove to you all that I am a better person than how I have been lately.

However on “transformation” related crap: I have lost about 10 pounds from just a drastic change in diet. Don’t get me wrong, I take full advantage of those cheat days. But I’m adjusting my eating habits to fit to the recommended foods. Though I’m not 100% off sugar, I am weening off of it slowly but surely. And of course, still doing that African dance and loving it.

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Transformation day 3 + 4 review.

Sorry, been a little delayed in writing this post.

I must say that I am very proud of myself, I have been sticking to the diet quite well. I drinking NOTHING but green tea, coffee with cinnamon and chocolate, and hot chocolate. I’ve been watching my diet and making sure to only eat what I was told to.

Lately I’ve been eating strickly chicken, beans, steak, beef, cheese, and oatmeal based foods.

In regards to working out, African dance is doing it to me good. This class is so much fun, plus I’m already sweating after the warm up. And on days when I’m not doing that, I’m in the gym running or something. However, it’s been hard to get a decent amount of time in. Everyone is at the gym for those resolutions; however, the statistics show that nearly all of them will be gone by the end of next week. So, I’ll just do what I can until then.

Tonight my roommate and I went to Carl’s Jr. for dinner. Even though I know it’s not the healthiest, I still tried to be. I ended up ordering the Low Carb burger and I am not complaining.

My roommate however…

And on a different note, I need a new vacuum. I could use one of these since the one I have now is clearly proving to not do anything. I was just dragging my knuckles across the carpet (as usual) and collected this. [HEADS UP, REAL GROSS.]

And all of that came JUST from my roommate’s bedroom, LOL.

Transformation day 2 review.

In order to transform myself physically, I have to make a change in regards to my diet. However, this has to be done through a more narrowed focus in regards to eating, exercise, drinking, coffee, water and sugar.

Jerb told me basically that I need to stay to a strict diet and allow myself ONE DAY to cheat.

A couple things to consider for a diet change:

    1) Green tea is great to drink in regards to “tricking” your mind. Tea is a good substitute for anything sugary.
    2) Dark chocolate is really good for you. Eat 1/4 of a bar everyday!
    3) Red wine is also a great relaxer after a stressful day. Not to mention that having a glass once a day won’t kill you.
    4) EAT OATMEAL!
    5) Consume vitamin D however you have to. This meaning that Oregonians need to invest in some supplements or something.
    6) Learn to love seasonings such as red peppers and chilis. Spicy foods can help speed up your metabolism.
    7) ALWAYS DRINK WATER! Whether it be tea, coffee, or just plain old water; drink it.
    8) Eat lots of beans, chicken, beef and eggs.

    So for dinner I kept it pretty low key. Just ate beans and cheese.

    Not to mention I’m on like my fourth one of these. You can’t tell, but that’s green tea. (Real tea leaves at the bottom)

    I even met with my team and did some good campaign planning. (If ya’ll know of some good resources to check out in regards towards low income “minority” families, holler.)

    And now I’m off to an Allen Hall Public Relations meeting, followed by homework then an hour at the gym.

    Stay tuned tomorrow for more! Have a great night ya’ll.
    🙂