Suckerberg refuses to have additional breast implant surgery; Facebook staff grows increasingly concerned over Founder’s well-being.

During an interview conducted with Mashable’s Ben Parr, Suckerberg stated that he will not undergo a second breast augmentation and plans to remain as the man-thing with one boob.

“Lately people have been calling me cyclops, I kind of like how that sounds. It’s definitely a better name than Mark.” Suckerberg continued to explain how plans to change his name once again to “better fit” the person he is today. “I really like the name Uno Tit Suckerberg; it sounds Spanish and exotic!”

Suckerberg had changed his mind about having the additional surgery after watching clips of himself on Saturday Night Live. “I noticed that having one large lump on my chest looked really good on camera. Besides, I lost my other nipple tassel. If I can’t wear them both, then I refuse to have two breasts.”

I had called the Facebook headquarters and spoke to Vice President of Global Communications, Marketing and Public Policy Elliot Schrage. “This guy [Suckerberg] just gets stranger and stranger everyday. One day he’s here dressed in his normal North Face getup, the next he’s prancing around in assless chaps and high heels screaming at everyone to ‘tuck it.’ Not only do I have absolutely no idea what this man is talking about, but I am truly concerned for his well-being.”

Schrage further explained how he observed Suckerberg yelling at inanimate objects in the staff cafeteria. “He was accusing a chair of raping his mind at the exact same time an elementary school tour walked by. All of those poor children were subjected to his insane ramblings. This is destroying the company reputation!”

What does the future hold for Facebook? Only time will tell.

And yes, this is entirely made up.

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RIP Floppy Disk

Mashable announced today that Sony will stop the production of floppy disks as of March 2011.

A spokesperson for Sony stated that this is occurring “due to dwindling demand, Sony discontinued European production of 3.5-inch floppy disks in September 2009. The last European sale of a floppy disk took place in March 2010.”

When I first read this I immediately thought, what a short life span for the disk. Technology continues to progress at such a lighting fast speed that we no longer have a need for tangible objects. So mind blowing.