#nowplaying — Muse – Knights of Cydonia

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Adam Tensta claims that his pubes save endangered animals.

Adam Tensta of Stockholm, Sweden’s Respect My Hustle management group released during a special press conference today that his pubes have the potential of saving endangered animals world-wide. “I mean, everyone knows me for my beard. But no one knows just how much hair I’m packing, ya’ll know what I’m sayin’?”

To a crowd of approximately 1,000 eager teenage girls, Tensta explained how he discovered the true talents of his body. “So like one day I’m just hanging out naked, you know like how I always do. I had to get ready for a show and tried to put my pants on, but they wouldn’t fit over my bush. I mean, the night before I accidentally drank Rogaine thinking it was a Rogue Ale. It’s not my fault I can’t read those words very well, I blame the faulty education system.”

He continued to explain that upon the discovery of his monumental appearance he found a baby panda and has decided to raise it as his own. “I’ve always wanted a baby. This is the next best thing. I mean, it did come out of my bush.”