Man of the Year to change his name to “Suckerberg” after massive gay orgy.

An anonymous source revealed today that Mark Zuckerberg plans to change his name to “Suckerberg” after attending the Stanford Alumnus Pain Train Society’s (SAPTS) annual TuckFest After Party; during which he engaged in what is being referred to as “hardcore gay shit.”

Suckerberg was overheard telling people that the orgy was much similar to a battlefield. “He described it to very similar to The Matrix. However, instead of bullets he was avoiding human discharge.”

The source continued to further explain how Suckerberg “ran into the room just screaming ‘ASS TO MOUTH IN THE LIVING ROOM RIGHT FREAKING NOW!’ Of course, no one wanted to participate due to the fact that Suckerberg still only has one implant.”

Suckerberg later released a public statement defending his name change. “I will disown everyone who refuses to call me by my new name. I thought I was good at Facebook but recent events have brought me to the conclusion that my true skill sets are in other ventures. I can’t help the fact that I give some good dome. My milkshake brings ALL DA BOYS to my yard.”

Once again, I wish the best to Suckerberg. May you find stability in your transformation.

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2 responses

  1. Pingback: Suckerberg refuses to have additional breast implant surgery; Facebook staff grows increasingly concerned over Founder’s well-being. « Phantz.

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