Jackass Moments of the Week #1

I’ve decided that I’m going to start posting my weekly “jackass moments”. Since I seem to do a great job of acting like a bafoon in public quite often, why not share these stores with everyone else? DISCLOSURE: All stories shared are 100% true.

The Handicapped Bathroom Mishap

While working diligently in the ASUO office, I was overcome with the need to release certain tensions from my body. As I quickly ran to the bathroom, I noticed there were only three stalls; one of which was a intended for a handicapped person. I examined the other two, to discover that they were not in the cleanest fashion. Clearly, others had been using them and left them in manners in which no one would want to enter. With no other option, I entered the handicapped stall.

While sitting on the toilet, I begun to imagine “hypothetical” scenarios of someone coming in who truly needed to use this stall for its intended purpose. However, I quickly vanished all those thoughts from my head, thinking “what are the chances of that actually happening?” Well, much to my dismay some else did enter that bathroom. And with a walker.

I sat in complete horror and embarrassment as the individual had difficulty squeezing her way into the middle stall. She rammed her walker violently against the walls, as if to let me know how much of an inconsiderate person I was. I finished my business, washed my hands, and ran out of that bathroom as fast as humanly possible. However, while leaving, I couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t just wait a minute. I would have exited in a considerable amount of time so that she could have used it as well.

But for now, I just feel like a complete jackass and idiot. Moral of the story, never use the handicapped bathroom. Ever. You never know when someone may truly need it.

The Women in Business 5th Annual Gala Dinner: AKA Perfect Opportunity to Embarrass Myself

Last night I had the wonderful opportunity to attend the University of Oregon’s Women in Business 5th Annual Gala Dinner. It was an absolutely gorgeous event with a fantastic turnout. So many women professionals from various fields of the business world came to have one-on-one discussions with university students. The Dean of the Lundquist College of Business, the Dean of Oregon Law, and Susie Papé of the Papé Group all made an appearance.

Though I knew these people were in going to be at the dinner, I really had no idea as to who they were and what they looked like. My friend had introduced me to Susie; however, I failed to put one and one together to realize who she was. After shaking her had, I asked her what her profession was. Seeing how she was the key note speaker, I definitely made an ass out of myself by asking such a question. Though she was very polite and told me who she was, I felt so stupid regardless.

I was lucky enough to be paired with Margie Paris, the Dean of the law school. This meant, that I got to eat dinner next to her, and while doing so, engage in a very interesting conversation. However, I am by far the worst person to eat out with. I tend to eat most of my meals alone and in five minutes. This means, that typically I act like Kirby and inhale everything on my plate.

So while at dinner, I proceeded to do just that. I spilt water all down myself, dropped rice from off of my fork and out of my mouth onto my lap, and even got food all over my face while eating. Graceful, I know. No matter how hard I tried, I felt as if I keep eating like a pig in a troff. Such a wonderful first impression…

Though I am desperately in need of going to etiquette school, I still managed to leave a good impression with the Dean. Moral of the story: do not ever take me out to eat. I cannot eat and talk at the same time. When I do, it is not pretty by any means.

Stay tuned next week for more, and hopefully better stories.


One response

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