Trapped

Lately I’ve been reflecting on my life choices. I’ve realized the situation I have placed myself in because of my stubbornness in regards to school. It makes me question why I thought it was ever okay to just give up. I was content with just blending in and being another face. The thought of pushing myself and utilizing my potential never seemed to cross my mind in college. I feel like I’m trying so hard to break old habits now, but it’s like fighting an addiction. It’s just so easy to push homework to the side and just lounge around. It’s too easy. It’s disgustingly easy.

I just feel like being in Oregon is hindering me. Everyday that passes, I wake up wondering why the hell I’m still here. I just want to get away from the place and start anew. I want to be able to leave my academic performance thus far in the past, and just start completely over. More than anything else, I want to go to law school. On the east coast. I want to get as far away from Oregon as possible.

It just appears that if a negative mindset is connected to a place, everything is tainted. I feel like some of the relationships I establish with people are only temporary, fake, and harmful towards my well being. But for some strange reason, I feel like being in another region would change all of this for me.

But it’s like no matter how much I want to just pack up and leave, I can’t. I need to finish off what I have started in Oregon. I just need to do it. And I can do it. Just stay focused. FOCUSED. (I shouldn’t even be writing this right now, jeeze.)

Soon enough everything will fall into place. Soon enough I’ll be able to get out of here. Soon enough I’ll be able to finally live my life.

Soon enough.

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